Little Nursling Boy

I am not sure what cause the milk shortage that I had a week or so ago, but it seems to have resolved itself. And by "resolved itself" I mean by me taking nine fenugreek capsules a day and reeking like syrup, and all the while pumping like a madwoman... But either way, things seem to have gone back to normal. I am quite relieved to be able to still be nursing my little boy. I don't know when we will quit, but when we do, I want it to be because I decided or because he decided. I don't want to have to quit because of some outside reason forcing it to happen. And for now, things are looking good as we truck on towards nursing for a year.

Before Liam was born, I knew I wanted to nurse him - I was very determined to at least make a solid try of it. I went to a breast feeding support group lead by a lactation consultant a few weeks before my due date, and started going to the group regularly when Liam was three days old. If I didn't nurse, it sure as hell wasn't going to be because I didn't try everything before quitting.

And it was hard. Really hard. It hurt so much, and he nursed for hours on end, giving my poor, abused nipples almost no breaks. And he never nursed calmly - he screamed, and pulled, and cried through nearly every feeding. I was thrilled if I could get ten or fifteen minutes of solid eating out of him. He started reflux medications. I drastically altered my diet, quitting dairy, soy and wheat. And I cried through countless breast feeding support group meetings. And slowly, slowly, things got better. One day, I was suprised to realize that I was nursing and it wasn't hurting either of us.

Now we are closing in on Liam's first birthday, and I am enjoying nursing more than I ever expected to. I owe everything to my "boob group" meetings and the amazing lactation consultant who runs them, and also to my neighbor, who was nursing her son, and offered me encouragement and advice every step of the way. For me, all the pain and trouble has been worth the reward of my nursing happiness that I have now. But I understood completely, in the first 48 hours of my nursing career, why people want to do it but then say, "to hell with this - give him a bottle." It certainly isn't for everyone. But it is for me.

I don't know how much longer we will nurse. I am just enjoying every time we do, because I really don't know when the end could come. We may wean just after his birthday, or perhaps we will still be nursing in a year. I don't know, and that's ok - which for a crazy planner like me is really saying something!! We are nursing right now, and it is beautiful and wonderful, and that is enough for me to be satisfied with.

Lovingly,
Jenny